Tuesday, March 25, 2014 09:50

Fairytale News | When bullying isn’t bullying.


'Mel on reading' is a little feature I created as part of my Fairytale news. It's my way to show my thoughts on topics that go from pet peeves in reading to my favorite things in books.

Today I want to tackle a difficult and important matter. I must admit that it’s hard for me to write this, but I have a feeling it’s necessarily. Lately I’ve been noticing that a lot of people like to stamp things as bullying. I hate when this happens. It makes me sad, angry and disappointed.

I don’t like to see myself as a ‘victim of bullying’ but being someone who has been bullied in the past, it’s hard to see this term spreading around. It makes the real case look trifle, because if your unhappy feelings are compared to honesty.. do people then really know what bullying means? It's also hurtful if you call an innocent person a bully. The word seems to lose it’s power and true meaning, so today I want to clarify the meaning of the word to me.


Deliberately hurting someone, playing with their feelings and trying to make them feel as miserable as possible. Doing it over and over again until you find someone’s breaking point. Shutting someone out and making them feel like they are weird. Calling them names, saying they are hideous and that they will never find the happiness of a relationship; because nobody wants you. Taking advantage of you and manipulating you by brushing everything of as ‘teasing’ and ‘kidding,' because you are friends right?

Violence, but never enough to really hurt you. Just to make you feel uncomfortable, unwanted and scared. Make you feel like you don’t belong, until you start to question yourself and wonder what is wrong with you. Why can’t they like you? Clearly it’s because you are too ugly and stupid. You start to believe them and you start to change yourself to blend in. You try to act like it all doesn’t matter, but it does. You laugh when they laugh, when all you want is to cry. It’s a darn damn lonely feeling. And then comes the moment you break.

It’s NOT being honest in a review. If you talk about the things you dislike in a book, it’s not bashing the author. If you give a book 1 stars and a negative review, hell, even if you burn the book to the ground, it’s still not bullying. You have the right to be honest and to tell your opinion, as long as you stick with the book. It’s very easy for authors to hide behind the bullying excuse, but they need to grow a pair of balls and they need to be realistic. Not everyone is going to love the same book. If you can’t handle critic, don’t look for it.

It’s NOT being honest in real life. If my sister buys a shirt she loves and I tell her I don’t like it, it might be hurtful for her. But am I bullying her? Not at all. Anything you say can be hurtful to anyone, but it’s the intention that matters. You should always feel comfortable in voicing your own opinion.

It’s NOT being honest on the internet. Telling someone they made a mistake and pointing out where they went wrong is trying to help them. It’s hoping that they change and truly realize what they did. It’s still possible that they are hurt and that they feel like shit, but that’s how life works. You make a mistake, you fall on your face and you stand up again. Being honest is all about how you phrase your thoughts and what you try to achieve with your words. If it comes from a good heart, it’s not bullying.

I also like to end with the definition of Wikipedia:
Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively impose domination over others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual.

Bullying may be defined as the activity of repeated, aggressive behavior intended to hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person.


So PLEASE people, be aware of how offensive it is to people who are truly bullied - and how hard it is to be called a bully when you're not.
author image

Mel@thedailyprophecy

Mel is a microbiology technician who is obsessed with Disney, fairytale retellings and fantasy. If she's not reading or blogging, she's either busy with gaming, hanging out with family or watching a TV show. She loves summer and bright nail polish. One of her dreams is to travel the world. She has found her Prince Charming and they are together for 7+ years.

65 comments:

  1. You hit the nail on the head, man. I've been struggling with how I would define this for a while, but the distinction between bullying and honesty (with good intentions) is absolutely perfect. This is everything I never found the right words to say. As someone who has also been bullied, multiple times throughout my life, I wish more people would take note of this.

    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. <3 I know exactly how you feel. Being bullied is a terrible feeling and I just want people to be aware of that.

      Delete
  2. Like Debby, I want to give you a hug too! *huuggs* You're so completely right. With both instances; the book blog world and in the real world. Just because you give a negative review, it doesn't mean you're purposely trying to knock it down. You're not saying "no one should read it because this book is a bitch." And in the real world, people even take things like "you spelled that wrong" as offensive. If you're trying to help, I don't see why it should be 'bullying'. Like you said, it's the intention. It's the same with swearing and a bunch of other things! Loved this post so much. Definitely a good message to spread!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I think it also depends on someone's personality. Some people are more prone to feel offended by everything. You can't be nice all the time..

      Delete
  3. This is a great post and I agree with every word. I think authors will hide behind any excuse when they are not receiving the praise that they dreamed of, which is a shame. If only they would open themselves up to the criticism, then they might actually improve. *sigh*

    On the subject of bullying, I have never considered myself a victim of bullying. I have been very lucky throughout my life to be surrounded by great friends. But when I first started secondary school it was a huge change for me. I went from being the oldest in a year group that consisted of ten people (countryside primary schools for the win) to being unknown in a group of 100 (I realise this is still small to most people but it was a huge change for me).

    I laugh at myself but I really wanted to be in with the 'popular' kids. But to do that I ended up putting myself in a position where I was bullied. I think the reason I did not call it that then was because I didn't want to admit it to myself. And the reason why I don't call it that now is because I got myself out of the situation pretty fast and it didn't have any long term effects on me (apart from making me super mad when I see similar sort of behaviour happening).

    There were five of us girls, and one girl was the leader. Every day, one of the rest of us would get the cold shoulder. I remember one time when we were in English class and I went to sit in my seat next to them at the back and all of them leaned their chairs back against the wall and wouldn't let me sit down. I ended up sitting on my own for the first ten minutes until the lead girl told me I could come back. Looking back, I wish I'd laughed in her face. But no, I jumped up eagerly and rejoined the group. Things like this would happen all the time. The worst thing was that when the lead girl decided to pick on one of the others, I'd join right in. We would all do what she wanted. We would all give in to her.

    Funny thing was, the rest of us got on really well when she wasn't around. And you could just tell that none of us were happy, but it was a long while before any of us did anything about it. I would try and get off school as much as I could. I was in the nurses office so much that she would actually roll her eyes when she saw me! It WAS bullying.

    Luckily, I made the decision to break away from that group towards the end of the first year and I never found myself in a similar situation again. (The whole group broke apart actually, and we were all happier. I still talk to one of the other girls, and I actually ended up being fairly friendly with the lead girl once she had grown up and changed).

    This is a massive waffle and I don't think I've ever spoken about this out loud before. I'm not entirely sure why I have. I guess it's just to emphasise how much I agree with this post. What I went through is NOTHING compared to what a lot of people go through. It sucks that so many words get thrown around with little thought these days, and 'bully' is certainly one of them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Reading this message back I worry that the example I gave of her bullying seems a bit silly. But stuff like that happened ALL the time.

      There was a time where they wouldn't let me sit down unless I agreed to date this guy that I had no interest (also, I was 11)

      There was a time where lead girl handed out invites to her birthday party to everyone but me.

      It was little things, but lots of little things built up.

      Yeah, anyway XD

      Delete
    2. If you feel bullied, you probably are, no matter what happened to you! There is no such thing as 'silly bullying' Thank you so much for sharing your story Natalie :)

      Delete
  4. I hate when this word is thrown around too – bullying is a real and horrible thing, so describing every little negative interaction as bullying kind of negates the seriousness of it all.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I really like what you said about saying something hurtful is not bullying. Hurt is a feeling, it depends on the individual. If being a bully is saying something hurtful to someone because we are being honest, then everyone is a bully. When I also tell my sister that I don't like her hair and she gets bummed for it, am I a bully then? If you say hurtful things with the sole intention of hurting, then that's being a bully. Hurtful words is such a general word. It's not a synonym to bullying. Great post and first time visitor :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES, that's precisely what I'm trying to say here :)

      Delete
  6. I've been bullied in school. It isn't pretty. So when people say that you've to go through the exact same thing to know how the other person feels, they're right. Having said that, I'll also say that I'm blunt. I like being blunt and I like it when the other person is also blunt. Truth hurts but being lied to hurts more. I do think that it was being bullied that made me blunt. I just don't think that the other people would like it if what happened to me, happened to them. It's my default mode. I do also try to reign in it for people I know would take it as something other than honesty on my part.

    So I believe that you were right for posting this today and there needs to be a line that doesn't blur the difference between being hurtful and bullying. It isn't the same and labeling it the same is wrong for everyone involved. We need to realize that bullying is serious and not just hurtful like being hurt is not being a victim of bullying. I love that you're honest about your feelings on this, Mel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Truth hurts but being lied to hurts more." Definitely! I'd rather hear that my outfit looks like a mess, than being lied to me that I look gorgeous :p

      Thank you. I'm very happy with the positive feedback and I hope that this post made some people think about it :)

      Delete
  7. I definitely find honesty very important in book reviews and I agree that your intentions are important when you are being honest. I think the only other thing I would add would be that HOW you say something, is also important. Sometimes people need the brutal honesty, but I find that honesty is accepted more when it is told in a "nice" way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agreed! I might have to add that to my post too. There is a difference between 'you are a bitch' or 'I don't think we can get along'

      Delete
  8. Mel, this post is spot-on. I was bullied in school, so it hurts to see people throw the 'bully' word around so carelessly. It trivialises my experiences. Bullying is serious and should be treated as such. If an author can't stand the heat, well, you know how the saying goes.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh I absolutely agree with this! Bully is a word that is stapled to everything lately! And I started noticing it with authors as well, making these speeches and all, which resulted in the new Goodreads policy and all that we all know sucks now.
    Some people are just too damn touchy and it's getting really annoying because honestly, what did they expect? To push out a bestseller everyone will adore? Take Potter, it's massive, beloved, has the biggest fandom and following, and not to mention all the extra things going on, yet there are still people hating it.
    So the overly touchy snowflakes that can be found among authors (or bloggers or anyone for that matter) that moan about bullying with the slightest criticism just need to suck it up. Bullying is a serious problem that damages people to a degree that cannot be fixed, and flaunting it around like that is unforgivable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Goodreads policy *sigh* One of the things that shows how easily the word bullying can effect people. I've heard multiple times that people don't like HP, that he is whiny, that the world is bullshit, etc. Not everybody loves the same things and you should be allowed to have your own thoughts on matters without feeling silenced because you can't say anything that MIGHT hurt someone..

      Delete
  10. Yes, yes, yes. Hiding under the guise of bullying when it's clearly not is cowardly and, yes, does harm to those who are truly bullied. An author's experience in reading a negative review may suck for them, but it's not the same thing as someone maliciously causing harm to you. Never. When it comes to authors and their sensitivity with reviews, they really need to remember their book is a product, and a person has every right to dislike the product they've spent time to consume and, in many instances but not all, paid for. Saying this is bullying is just wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I agree the word "bullying" shouldn't be used lightly. And I (personally) don't think authors EVER should read their reviews. I mean, what's it going to achieve?! The book's published. And you can't try to learn or something from two million different opinions. That's ridiculous. Buuuut, I'm kind of of the mind that you CAN criticise without destroying. You know? That sort of thing? And does it achieve anything to be overly negative? If I tell my sister I don't like her shirt, I know I'm hurting her feelings. I think intentionally hurting someone's feelings (even if it's just a once-off) is bullying. But that's just me, maybe! Great post! This is a really interesting discussion.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think authors could read the reviews they are sent. Reading positive and happy reviews is a good feeling, but I agree, I don't think they much search for them.

      I absolutely know what you mean. I can definitely understand your point, but if someone asks your opinion, why should you lie? Would you tell your sister you like the shirt? :) It wouldn't be my intention to hurt her, I just want to be honest about it. So I agree that intentionally hurting someone is bullying, but that it's not good to compare it with the statement before it :)!

      Delete
  12. I agree with your thoughts on this. I see this word so often and just feel sad that it is being thrown around like this. Hopefully, things change but I imagine anytime you get a lot of people together there will be waves. I don't have much more to add but wanted to say great post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I actually don't expect things to change much, but I hope at least to reach out to some people :)

      Delete
  13. Mel, what a beautifully written post! I completely agree with everything you've said! The word "bullying" seems to be used so lightly nowadays, and it really is annoying because, like you pointed out, bullying is a serious matter, and it's not something to be taken lightly.

    And, yes, criticizing someone IS NOT bullying - as long as it's done in a respectful manner, of course. Like you said, giving a book a 1 star rating is in no way shape or form "bullying" an author. It's simply stating an opinion; and we're all allowed to have our own opinions, right?

    Thanks so much for sharing this. I feel this (honesty is not bullying) is a really important topic that needs more attention, especially in a reviewing community like this, so I'm glad you brought it up! As always, brilliant post! :D

    ~ Zoe @ The Infinite To-Read Shelf

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Zoe! I'm glad that this post is so well-received :)

      Delete
  14. *claps* Thank you for this Mel! I won't really say much because you clearly covered it all but I absolutely agree with all of this and kudos to you for posting this <3 Bullying is extremely serious, more so now than when I was younger (although it definitely happened then as well but due to Facebook, common use of the internet, etc.. it seems like there are even more mediums for bullies to use), and I hate when it's used lightly especially in the examples that you used. Opinions are not bullying. I think these things are offensive to the real victims of bullying and people precariously throwing this term around need a bit of educating on the matter. Maybe then the true meaning of bullying would be understood, because it's certainly not a negative book review. Wonderful post Mel <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Lauren <3 Oh yes, there are definitely more platforms for bullying, just like there are more ways on how to bully someone. It's definitely offensive to me if people throw it around, so I hope to make people more aware of this.

      Delete
  15. Mel, this is an excellent post. It is one that needs to be read by everyone in this world who tosses such a serious word around. I have never been bullied, but I have had friends who have been through hell for being nothing but themselves. For instance, I have a female friend who is quite hairy arms, and was teased relentlessly for something she was born with. When I see people in the book blogging community scream bully because of a negative review or even something as trivial as a different opinion it angers me. I think of my friend who cried days after being bullied, and drives me mad that it has become a scapegoat. Some people confuse honesty for bullying. It needs to stop, especially in a community where critical composition is a strong foundation. Again, great post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Christine! Yes, exactly! Bullying is so much severe than the cases people call bullying nowadays. How is being honest about a review the same as crying yourself to sleep, because someone has made you feel so unhappy about yourself? I just.. it hurts me to think people compare these matters.

      Delete
  16. Mel, I absolutely love this. I'm bothered by people throwing around the word "bully" when it comes to reviews and books and authors (usually picking on bloggers) for many reasons, but I think one big reason is for what you said: it starts to lose its meaning. When it starts to lose its meaning, people forget. And people hurt those victims who actually DID experience bullying, not a sensitive author (or even blogger). I think the intention is key and how they said/wrote it. I do admit, it's sometimes not what you say, but how you say it (man, I was told that lots and still am). I agree with all of this, love this post! And *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES! And since bullying already is such a taboo (let's face it, nobody really does something about it unfortunately) I'm afraid the word doesn't mean a thing if we continue like this. Because if someone say they've been bullied, what happened? Was someone honest or did the TRUE bullying happened?

      Delete
  17. Very well said Mel. My little sister was bullied last year and the things she described to us are definitely things that can't be translated to other instances. Chipping away steadily at someone is bullying, not stating an opinion and being honest. Well done! :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. I myself have never been bullied. I think that people use the word bully without thinking people will take it serious but if you have been bullied like you it's more personal. For me in my life it's the R word. Retarded. My uncle has down syndrome and I don't think it's funny when someone calls something retarded. The English language has plenty of other words that people could be using instead. I think words mean different things to different people and we all need to think about that. Nice post.. it is one I wouldn't have thought about without you talking about it.

    Angie
    http://www.r-word.org/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, some words must not be used lightly! Like cursing with cancer.

      Delete
    2. This is true too. I suppose that everyone has their sore spots. I was diagnosed with Melanoma last year and I don't think that tanning is a joke. Why can't we be comfortable in our own skin. Why can't pale be fabulous!

      Delete
  19. I'm a little ashamed to admit that I never really took notice when the word "bullying" was being misused by people in the blogosphere. Sure, I've seen them throw the word around whenever someone bashed a book so much, but I didn't let it bother me, and I carried on with my own happy life. I know what bullying means, and you did a darn good job at explaining it. So I guess my ignorance was in part due to the fact that I've never really been bullied. Not in primary school, and definitely not among my current circle of friends. Bullying was never an issue I had to deal with.

    I realize that what you've said is absolutely true, though. Writing an honest but negative, and maybe a little offending review does not count as bullying, if the intention behind it was not to harm, but rather to give your own opinion. This is one aspect of the bookish community I dislike. We're so desperate for drama, we're so desperate for a fight to "hype" everything up that we're willing to insult and beat up a person for putting up their own honest opinions. And then we pretend that it was THEIR fault, and that the reviewer was being really nasty and unreasonable -- when honestly, the person being nasty and unreasonable is the person who brought up the word "bullying" in the first place. That's why Goodreads has turned into the oftentimes repulsive place it is today, and why people are being swayed to believe that a really negative review classifies as bullying.

    I probably just repeated everything you said, but I really think everyone should read this post -- especially the ones who have never been bullied before, online or off, because we are the ones who are probably the most ignorant when it comes to issues like this. Thank you SO much for writing such an enlightening post, Mel. I truly appreciate you opening my eyes! <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm very happy that I could help you realize this Meg! I think you are spot on when you say it's because you haven't been bullied before. I'ts not strange that the word feels 'normal', like any other word, to you. That's why it's so important for me to get this out in the world, in the hope to teach the meaning to more people.

      Delete
  20. Yes, I think people often use words without really thinking of their meaning and the term "bullying" is one that gets bandied about too often and in reference to something that is not always bullying. Wonderful post, Mel.

    ReplyDelete
  21. *Hugs* <3 I very much agree with this post.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Eh, I know how that feels. I know what it's like to feel alone and like you don't belong. It's like finding your place in the world is not hard enough already, so why not throw in some emotional baggage for good measure, you know? And seeing how some newbie (or not) authors think they can throw the word "bullying" at every negative review they get makes me sick. It feels like they're disrespecting and diminishing the strength of people who have actually been bullied. I mean, don't they know that not everyone is going to like their book? Especially if their book is similar to a book a lot of people hated. If reviews, no matter how bad they are, don't attack the author personally, this is not bullying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, disrespect, that's how it feels to me too. You can't just use such a strong world.

      Delete
  23. "Bullying" is the latest buzz word in the media and it seems like, unfortunately, that trend has been passed on to general users of the internet. The cavalier attitude with which people throw the term around on the internet is shocking and disgusting - how trivialized must the true victims of bullying feel, to see the term applied to instances that are clearly nothing like what they experience(d)?

    This post is amazing and it does a phenomenal job of clarifying the differences between sharing ones opinion and actual bullying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is EXACTLY how it feels. Thanks Kelly :)!

      Delete
  24. Oh this gets me riled up, Mel! I totally agree, I hate it when people accuse others of bullying when that is not at all their intention. You definitely see it a lot with authors. "It’s very easy for authors to hide behind the bullying excuse, but they need to grow a pair of balls and they need to be realistic."<-- Exactly. It is our right as reviewers to be honest and not everyone is going to like every book. Take one look at Goodreads and you'll see that tons of people have rated Harry Potter and Shakespeare books 1 star, but does that mean they're bullies? Nope. Thank you for sharing this, Mel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you don't see J.K Rowling go raving like a lunatic because someone dislikes her book.. Take your critic with grace like the Queen :p

      Delete
  25. Fantastic post Mel. I agree, I think the point behind the word has been diluted and it's extremely offensive to be labelled a bully when you are not intentionally doing it. People's feelings can get hurt because of honesty and a negative review is not bullying, unless it is targeted at the author and not the book.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I would be very sad if someone accused me of being a bully because I know how hurtful it is to be truly bullied.

      Delete
  26. I never had someone bullied in my family, but one of my friend was, and I couldn't agree more with you.
    Give 1 star rating or pointing out the reason why you hated a book is not bullying! In fact, some readers are thankful for those reviewers when they help us not to buy a book we'll surelly hate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Negative reviews = still attention for the book!

      Delete
  27. Yes! Point well made and I completely agree! I have so many thoughts on the matter that I cannot coherently put them into any other words.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Yes yes YES! Thank you for writing this post Mel; whenever someone will cry "bully!" in the future when they are NOT getting bullied, I will just reference them to this post. ;D

    ReplyDelete
  29. Thank you, Mel, for speaking out on this issue! Whenever concerns are raised about "bullying" on GR especially, I get wary. The point of reviews is to explain the good and the bad that readers find in a book. If a review doesn't personally attack the author, then negative opinions are the prerogative of the reviewer.

    I'm glad you also emphasised the actual meaning of bullying. I've had a classmate transfer school after seventh grade because she was miserable. The boys used to bully her so much, she would spend a good part of her breaks crying. It's no wonder she transferred to a girls' school after that, even though she didn't exactly want to go to a girls' school at first. After she left, I became their next target. Apparently they didn't like that I openly disagreed with them. When I too transferred after eight grade, they felt bad and asked me not to transfer. But I did anyway because the new school had greater academic rigour. So yeah, bullying affects the core of a person and I think that's something that should never be belittled by labelling justified bluntness as bullying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are welcome, Joséphine, this issues needs to get more attention. It's disgusting how some people make others feel so unhappy :( I don't get it.

      "I think that's something that should never be belittled by labelling justified bluntness as bullying." Well said!

      Delete
  30. "Anything you say can be hurtful to anyone, but it’s the intention that matters." THIS RIGHT HERE. I am a very honest person, such that the phrase" honest to a fault" can probably be applied to me. Especially when it comes to those who are close to me, if they ask for my opinion I will give it to them whether it is what they want to hear or not. But I value honesty and I believe that being honest is better than being deceitful even if it the truth could be hurtful. My intentions are always good. My friends are used to it now hah. There is a difference between being honest and voicing your opinion and intentionally being mean to someone. And as for negative reviews, I am not even thinking about the author so I am not attacking him/her. I am just saying how I feel, perhaps with a little snark. :)

    So glad you wrote this post Mel!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And whoever was ever mean to you can go to hell!

      Delete
    2. <3 "But I value honesty and I believe that being honest is better than being deceitful even if it the truth could be hurtful." Me too! Dishonesty can be just as hurtful.

      Delete
  31. I couldn't agree more! I loath how the term 'bully/bulling' is being thrown around. Authors crying bully at every negative review infuriates me. Some one having an opinion is not bullying.
    But that's not to say bullying doesn't happen but the difference is obvious.
    An example of a NON-Bullying review:

    eg 'I did not like this novel because of X,Y and Z'

    An actual Bullying review would look like this:

    "Oh my God this is a pile of horse shit! the author should be ashamed of even thinking up such drivel! They should crawl back into the hole they came from and curl up and die!" <- a truly evil bullying troll would then proceed to say the same thing for all the authors works.

    See the difference? Apparently some authors don't... I remember Anne Rice speaking out against these apparently evil trolls... of course the irony is that she is well known as someone who responds to negative reviews by actually responding online to them and calling them morons and simpletons along with usually a massive tirade of how they clearly lack the intelligence to appreciate her work. Or when the fails other die hard fans will rip the negative reviewer apart...

    As an aspiring author and an avid I want people to be honest. When I look up reviews for a book I am unsure about I want people to give honest opinions. It's happened to me before where I bought a book which had rave reviews only for me to realize it was horribly written and honestly needed much better revision before they even thought to publish it.

    But worst of all, by people throwing the word bully around it really does trivialize actual victims of bullying, and lets face it people already don't take it seriously as it is. Cant tell you how many times my teachers back in the day told me to suck it up and carry on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. First of all, thanks for your long comment, I enjoyed reading it!

      Negative reviews are our way to help the author. They might not see it, but we still create a buzz for their book. I've bought several books based on reading negative reviews, just because I figured out I would like all the things the review disliked.. That author is just ridiculous. I don't have another word to say about her, I really don't like how she handles stuff.

      Delete
  32. This really is a wonderful post, Mel! I've been feeling the same way for a long time when I see authors talk about reviewers "bullying" them or their books, and I just want to puke. That third paragraph was hard to read (in fact, I almost cried reading it) because I've been the person on the receiving end of that before. I've had people call me names and push me around and tell me that I'm nothing and that I'll never amount to anything. That is true bullying. Doing it on purpose and trying to make someone feel the worst they could possibly feel. There is such a HUGE difference between bullying and being honest. Sometimes the truth hurts, and sometimes people don't want to hear it. Sometimes it can sound a bit mean. But it's the intention behind it that makes all of the difference in the world. I'm honest with people because that's what I would expect from them. I've been having a lot of issues with this same thing at work right now, because I'm a very direct person and a couple of the people I work with have told me that I'm "mean," "cold," and "terrifying." When I correct someone, I'm trying to help them (plus it's my job as a shift leader). If I made a mistake, I would want to know so I could ensure it wouldn't happen in the future. But that's just me, and I have responsibility and accountability. Plus, I'm so tough on myself when I make a mistake that when someone is angry about something I do wrong, I find it justified. I know I need to try harder and do a better job, and that's on me - not anyone else. (I'm also a very strong-willed person and I have a tough skin when it comes to words. Sticks and stones and all...) I think that society as a whole has become WAY too sensitive and touchy and all around weak-minded. *whiny voice* "OMG, that person didn't like my book! Woe is me! My book must be crap!" Not everyone is going to like the same thing as someone else! People are going to disagree on things. But the problem is, some people view a differing opinion as wrong because it's not how they view it. And that is what's wrong with the world. We need to just accept that people see things differently and figure out how to come to an understanding. Or, hey, act like mature adults...there's a thought!


    Wow, that was long O_O

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had tears writing it, so *hug* It makes me sad to see how many (awesome) peope have been bullied in their life. And yes! The society is just trying to label everything and everyone is so touchy and whiny. That way, we forget what really matters and what true bullying means.

      Delete
  33. I just came to this post from your most recent Mel on Reading post, and I'm glad you wrote this one. It really needed to be said. It bugs me when people accuse book reviewers of bullying when they're just being honest. Their thoughts should never be censored. Criticism is never easy to take, but it helps writers to learn from their mistakes. And not everyone is going to like a book. These authors have to know you can't please everyone. Like you said, the authors need to be realistic. I think it crosses a line when someone bashes a writer instead of reviewing the book, but I don't think it's fair to call people bullies for just sharing their thoughts on a book. Great post, Mel! It was very thought-provoking

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for stopping by and commenting! I really appreciate it and I will return the favor as soon as possible. Remember to return to see my reply! :)

Copyright © 2012 The Daily Prophecy
Template and Design by Hopeless Romantics
Subtle Patterns (Subtle Patterns) / CC BY-SA 3.0