Fairytale news | Jealousy and hauls.


'Mel on reading' is a little feature I created as part of my Fairytale news. It's my way to show my thoughts on topics that go from pet peeves in reading to my favorite things in books.
I think this is a very appropriate topic to talk about after seeing all those pictures, posts and tweets about BEA these past days: jealousy.

I get jealous.

There, I said it. I’m not ashamed about it, because I know it’s not the wrong type of jealousy. Yes, I wish I could attend BEA to meet bloggers, authors and to get all the free ARC’s (because who doesn’t love those?) Yes, sometimes I wish I got a certain ARC or review copy, because I’m flipping excited to read it. But does that mean that I’m not happy for the other blogger? That I think they don’t deserve it? No. I’m happy that they get the opportunity to read it early, but I always remind myself that I can read it too: just later. I think it’s great that every blogger had an amazing time at BEA and I still love to see all their recaps and hauls.

I can get jealous about more things too. From beautiful blog designs to someone’s figure: I think we all envy other people now and then. It’s not something we should be proud of, but it’s part of being a human and it’s more about what we do with it. You can act like a jealous bitch or you can be able to see past it. It’s horrible when you can’t be happy about someone else’s happiness – and you should try to remember the things you already have. And remember: always be grateful for the things you already have!

That brings me to another thing I read about a while ago on Gypsy Review. Apparently, some bloggers stopped with their haul memes because of jealous reactions. I think these people are seeing it the wrong way. Showing the books you got isn’t about showing off, it’s about sharing. Sharing your happiness about the new pretty books you got to add to your collection; sharing your excitement when you got a book you can’t wait to read. I’m sad that bloggers feel like they should adjust their blog content because of this jealousy. You should always post on your blog what you want, no matter what. Please, don’t stop doing hauls if you love them!

How do you feel about jealousy? Do you get jealous sometimes and how do you deal with it? Do you think bloggers should stop doing hauls or do you love them?

41 comments

  1. Jealousy can be unhealthy when like you say it stops one from being happy for someone else and allowing it to dictate their actions...usually in a negative way.

    Jealousy can be good for perspective though, when I feel jealous about something it makes me think...wait, is that really so important to me? If not I tell myself to stop being silly, and if it is important then I decide to see the person I'm jealous of as an inspiration, or the thing I'd like as a goal for me to achieve. Once it's a goal I also have to remember not to expect everything to simply fall in my lap...sometimes it can, but mostly these things need elbow grease.

    So, yup, I get jealous but that nasty little prickles pretty good for getting to know ourselves better...unless we decide to sulk, lol.

    The hauls - wow! I didn't know people stopped out of worry. I see them as fun and also like to spotlight the books, because it's all about the book love.

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    1. That's a great way to look at it! I agree, it does put things in perspective.

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  2. Great post, Mel! I don't really get jealous because I'm just not interested in being jealous if it makes sense? :) However I enjoy seeing other people hauls because they remind me of this or other book I want to read and it's silly of them to stop doing those hauls because they are afraid of backlash. You can't please everyone, so you should be comfortable with yourself and do what feels right, not what feels politically correct. We have enough PC in the rest of our lives, I don't want to see it in book blogging too.

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  3. I don't think anyone should stop doing hauls on their blogs just because someone is jealous. I don't really get jealous of other bloggers... I just look at what they do and try to use it to make my blog better. I'll be honest though... I hardly ever do haul posts. I get so many books from the library and hardly buy any books. I don't know if that many people are interested in seeing library books. It does seem like everyone wants to see just books that people were given or bought.

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    1. I like to hauls no matter where the books come from :) It's fun to look at it and it shows me in one glimpse what kind of reviews I can expect.

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  4. Good post. I don't get jealous at other bloggers. I think it's great what others have been able to achieve and it makes me want to set goals so I can achieve something as exciting as that was to them. The BEA looked amazing and I know that isn't something I can attend yet, but it is a fun goal to work toward. As far as blog designs go, I do drool over some that I think are pretty...not really, my keyboard wouldn't like that. :-) I know I would like to change mine up, again that is a goal that I'm working towards.

    As far as hauls, I hope bloggers keep sharing...I want see what I'm working towards! :-)

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    1. Oh yes, I think it's definitely great if I see what other blogs achieve :) For me, it's a pretty hard goal to achieve, so perhaps that's why I drool over all the BEA posts.

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  5. I'm always jealous about arcs and great hauls but I never say anything about it! Also, I never feel angry about it. It usually makes me hope my blog will be good enough one day that I'll be able to get awesome arcs and go to BEA. I just covet quietly or mention how excited I am for certain books! It's sad that some people are so negative!

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    1. Yes, it really bothers me that people can be so negative :(

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  6. Fantastic post, Mel. I read the same article of Charlotte's blog, too, and I have to agree wholeheartedly with the both of you! The internet is a free place, and though you are free to feel whatever you want, that doesn't make your actions right. Don't worry, you weren't the only one who felt envious of all those bloggers who went to BEA! Reading all those BEA wrap-up posts and seeing all those wonderful pictures, it's near impossible not to be jealous, but it's the "okay" kind of jealousy, like you're happy for them, but you wish, wish, wish you received those books, too. I don't think bloggers should stop doing weekly hauls, and those who feel jealous and want to show it? Go vent your emotions somewhere else. You don't have to ruin the experience of others just to feel satisfied for, what? - a second? These kinds of attitudes are what would destroy the book blogging community. Get a hold of yourself, people!

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    1. This, together with plagiarism, are two of the downsides of the blog community. Just be happy for others.

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  7. I find it ridiculous that people would stop sharing their haul because of jealousy. I get jealous, because I was to own the book so I can read it as well but that's the beauty of it. We share out hauls to draw attention to books we haven't seen before and share what we collected. I love seeing everyone's hauls and don't think anyone should stop it for that reason.

    Lovely post, Mel! I totally agree. <33

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    1. Exactly! I've found many books to add to my wish list through hauls.

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  8. This is so fantastic. Once we acknowledge that jealousy exists, we can look at our motivations. Sure, I'm jealous of all the other bloggers who got to attend BEA, but does that mean that I hate them for it, or think that they're thinking 'nyah nyah nyah' at me? Not a bit. I'm happy that they're comfortable enough to share their experiences with those of us who couldn't go. It builds anticipation for when we can!

    It's kind of the same thing for me when someone announces that they're getting married or having a baby...those are things that I desperately want (I'm 36 and still single), and am totally jealous of. It doesn't diminish my happiness at their joy in the least though. Maybe we should think of it as 'wishful thinking' rather than jealousy - less negative connotations that way. :)

    Great post!!

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    1. Wishful thinking, that's a interesting way to look at it! It does sound much better :)

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  9. Thank you for sharing sweetie. <3 I too get jealous. All the time. Sigh. I don't like getting jealous, but I just can't help it :D I do love looking at all the books other people get, though :)

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  10. I get jealous, but mine hasn't ever been the negative kind. Mine is more of a "I love that book/want that book and I think it's awesome that you got it!" kind of deal. I'm not really a comparing kind of gal. I try to always be grateful for what I have and my strengths, weaknesses, blessings, etc. aren't anyone else's. Their just mine. :) It works the same the other way around too.

    I love hauls and seeing what everyone got, plus sometimes there are books that I haven't heard about or are really good deals and that's the only way I find out about them. I know my followers love when I share free ebooks with them or, like last week when Spells was only $.60, I tell them about a physical book I got that was a great deal. Of course I do separate posts for some of those too sometimes, but STS/IMM etc. are great venues to spread the news about stuff like that. It's also a great way to let someone know about a book that is now available on NetGalley that they may want to request in case they haven't been on there recently.

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    1. I agree :) You should be grateful for the things you have in the first place.

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  11. I think we all get a little jealous now and then but I'm mostly just happy for everyone and I have a great library so I know I can eventually get any book I want. I honestly have soooo many books that I have stopped getting books because I have more than enough to read. There are those releases I am dying for but I just try to remember that I can be busy reading what I have until that book comes out.

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  12. I agree. I think it's more like envy rather than jealousy, though, but that's completely understandable. I usually get a bit sad and envious when I think about not being able to go to BEA and other bookish events just because I live in the middle of nowhere. I mean, who wouldn't like to get tons of free books, meet authors and fellow bloggers or get certain ARCs? But I don't look at book hauls as showing off - I actually really like to see what everyone else gets each week because most of the time this is how I find new titles, new favourites to read. And who cares if I can't read them right now, these books are usually released in a few weeks' time and I have so many books to read, I don't care if I have to wait. :)

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    1. The same for me. I'm dreaming about BEA, but I don't see it happen in the next.. two years. We always have each other to feel sad with, haha.

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  13. I absolutely agree! Of course we all get jealous. I had a bad case of jealousy when it comes to BEA and ARCs and blog designs, but it only makes me work harder: try and learn new designing, find ways to get ARCs, save up to go to BEA. Anything is reachable!
    Jealousy is natural and okay (unless you threaten someone because they have better books than you, that's not okay), but other than that it's nothing to be shamed of. :)

    Great post!

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    1. Exactly. It's all about what we do with our jealousy.

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  14. Dear Mel, I'm a jealous person too! Especially today after I've seen all the Showcase post and all the ARCs that I'm dying to have. How could I not be jealous of people who have gotten Crown of Midnight when I'm dying to have it. No need to talk about meeting all the awesome authors. Therefore I added another goal to my list - to visit BEA someday in my life.

    All in all I totally agree with you. Of course I'm happy for them but I'm dying inside.

    Great post Mel :)

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  15. I had no idea that people had stopped doing hauls because of jealousy. For me hauls are all about sharing and promoting the new books I've happened to receive during the week. It's also a good way for me to keep track of when I received a book.

    That isn't to say I never get jealous, a lot of people got The Dream Thieves by Maggie Stiefvater at BEA and I am jealous. I really want to read that book but I'm going to wait. When someone gets an advanced copy I really want I mentally go 'well they will have even longer to wait for the next book!' for some reason this helps =P

    I also think bloggers need to learn the difference between stating that you are jealous and want to rip someones hair out and steal their haul and simple 'ahhh I'm totally jealous!'. The latter is something I say regularly and is more akin to being jealous that a friend is going on vacation.

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    1. Haha, that is true. Sometimes, I'm happy that I read books late, because I get to read the sequel much closer.

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  16. I deliberately didn't do a huge BEA haul post either last year or this year because I feel bad that not everyone got to attend.
    But I'm not saying that it's wrong for other bloggers to do those posts or be excited about the books they got -- part of the reason the publishers give the stuff away is for promotion.

    I don't usually get all that jealous about things -- most of us have ups and downs in our lives and even if I'm disappointed at the moment, I always feel like something great could be waiting for me around the corner.

    Good luck with your exams :)

    You can find me here: Jen @ YA Romantics

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    1. Oh, but I'm very happy with the things I have. I'm grateful for my life and how I am, but sometimes I have those moments where I feel 'meh' about things. And that's when the jealousy kicks in, but I don't turn into one unhappy green monster :p I just translate it into: change something!

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  17. As you get older you begin to see there is another side of jealous and envying someone. Sometimes people who look like they have it all..don't really. This one aspect of their lives may be the one positive thing going on. So I no longer get green, or bitch about my health issues because trust me someone else has it worse. I look at blog hauls as a totally different beast. 1. it showcases you can look forward to on my blog and 2. it introduces you to new books you might not have heard of otherwise. I have awesome weeks and meh weeks its the nature of the beast. I would love to go to BEA one year but health has kept me from doing so. Being jelly for a moment is ok, we all get that but harboring those feelings and making peeps feel like they cannot share their books is sad. I am sorry those bloggers stopped sharing. Great post and wonderful food for thought.

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    1. Indeed, it's okay to be jealous for a moment, but get over it and feel grateful for what you have :)

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  18. I think pretty much everyone gets jealous at some point. And I get the same jealousy you do about BEA and all the pretty books people get, but I'm genuinely happy for them, I just wish I'd get to do all the awesome stuff as well...
    I do like to share my book hauls, though I kinda get lazy about it sometimes ;) But I love looking at other people's hauls, I really hope the jealousy thing won't stop them from posting theirs!

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  19. Everyone gets jealous! (And if they don't, I have trouble believing their human.) I see so many people who get all these books and I'm like "OH ME ME ME!" but then I look at my own pile of unread books on my computer desk and think that I'm good with what I got. I much rather people have those books and read them, than they sit untouched on my desk forever until I get around to reading them. In the end I know I'm happy with what I have, whether it's my blog design or book haul or whatnot, and try to focus on the positives of what I have versus the need for what everyone else has!

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  20. I definitely get jealous of other bloggers-I mostly handle it by not looking at their stashes (which is pretty easy to do since everyone titles their posts and I just mark them as read in my feedly instead of clicking through and experiencing those awful feelings of jealousy.)

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  21. I think this is a great subject to bring up because no one should feel like they can't share their book hauls. We all get jealous; it's a part of life. Sure, I was jealous of bloggers that got to go to BEA, and i say all the time in comments on STS and such that I'm jealous of a certain book they received that I'm really excited for. But I don't mean it in a nasty way. I'm still happy for them and I love how we can share our book hauls and all be excited for each other. I definitely don't want that to stop.

    And anytime I get jealous of others' book hauls, I just think of how much pressure people feel to read all those ARCs. That's no fun. So, I always try to think positive and just do this for fun. If it becomes a competition, I just get too stressed and blogging becomes a chore. Great post, Mel! :D

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  22. I saw a similar post recently about a blogger stopping her weekly haul post because of jealous remarks from commenters. I disagree, too...these posts are supposed to be boastful; they're meant to share our excitement and promote the books we love or are excited to read. Plus, a lot of us have integrated weekly recaps into those posts, so it really isn't all about bragging rights.

    We all get envious from time to time, whether in the bookish world or not, but I think it's good to realize that we all have our ups and downs. Some weeks are better than others. You're right...we'll all have the opportunity to read those same books when they're officially released. No reason to get upset about someone reading them a little bit early. Sometimes, it's good to be reminded that this isn't a competition...that we're all here to have fun and read and discuss awesome books. :)

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  23. I saw a similar post where a blogger hesitated about posting her BEA book haul as to not sound showing off. I don't think it's showing off at all. I personally LOVE the book haul posts, especially the BEA ones. Looking at stacks and stacks of books is like eye candy for me. Like you said, I wish I could get those as well, but that doesn't mean I envy the book blogger who got them or wish they didn't get them in the first place.

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  24. This is simply a brilliantly worded essay on jealousy. *Applauds* Thanks SO much for sharing your thoughts in such fab way! As someone who very rarely gets arcs, I've definitely felt jealous at times too but like you said: we do get to read those books eventually! And it is SO important to try to be happy for others' good fortune. I was really sad too when I saw that some bloggers chose not to share BEA experiences because of other people's jealousy. I love how you mentioned that in the end, it all boils down to simply sharing your excitement and happiness with other bookish (and therefore awesome, hehe) people :) You're right too that your blog is YOUR blog and you should always share what YOU want! ♥ this.

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  25. I love your honesty in this post! I get jealous over BEA hauls, too. At the same time, they're some of my favorite posts! It's awesome getting to see what the bloggers I love got at BEA, or just in their normal hauls.

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